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christchronic
13 December 2007 @ 11:59 pm
 you think you have it all together..you think you got it all...but  i know people who have it better than you..and one day youll find out what you dont have
 
 
christchronic
13 December 2007 @ 09:13 pm
 i wonder if angels play with babies...and make them laugh... 

in a way i want to cut myself again..i want to prove to myself..i am the only one that can hurt me...no one else..no one can hurt me but me..and im not gonna let anyone hurt me but me...i cause my own scars no one else...i am in control of my pain and pleasure...im so sad :( but happy at the same time..why cant the happiness last ...? im tired of it leaving me...you think you can hurt me...but guess what i can hurt myself worse...you cant compete with me...

my sister says that sense the break up i have become obsessed with my body and fitness level...and she says that is why i have started to take diet pills starting today when i dont need them...and also because of the laxatives....

my ex says that im causing my own misery and pain....

i just dont want to be hurt again....but am i hurting myself? plz im trying to heal myself...

i was hella pissed that i didnt get my nap today...but maybe im experncing all of this cuz im pmsin...

why is everyone rushing ?!??!?! to make decisions !!! let me feel around!!!

man i cant even focus and i have finals manana!! i need to study...i need to sleep..and eat and i cant do any of it !!!




yes i like you but im scared of being hurt again..can we be more than friends..if i want to...are you going to...leave me..if i cant make you happy...i know you...and wht you used to do..or you going to do it again..with ur exgirlfriends...if u only knew what i feel about you....but you can know.cuz if you know...youll have part a piece of my soul....and i dont have that much left for myself...myself..where am i ..where are you..is this true.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................
 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
 
 
christchronic
12 December 2007 @ 11:38 pm

lizzy and i went to subway today....liz got down i didnt...and i stayed in the car..and cried..and you know what...no one will never know that happened....i went to my job and had to fight back tears on my break..and then a little boy came and asked me if i  could give him cookies..and you know what...no one will ever know that happened..no one will ever know my pain...no one will ever see it..only God...the one who shares my pain...

My God how did this happen to me...I know it was the enemy using a love one to attack me..but man i was wounded so bad in this battle...i know i will recover ...but damn im gona be out for a min !!! help me help me!!

a thousand tears cross this face ...its raw !!!the pain it hurts so bad...he called me another name...hmmm

AND YOU KNOW ALL I CAN THINK ???!?!!? AND WORRY ABOUT !!!! IS HOW IM FINE AS FCUK!!! BUT NO ONE IS GONA WANA ME ONCE THEY FOUND OUT I DONT HAVE SEX...WEN DOES IT ALL END LOL...OMG...IM FEED UP BUT I GOT TO KEEP MY HEAD UP

 
 
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
 
 
christchronic
12 December 2007 @ 02:36 am
 im afraid to date again...im afraid to be cheated on again..not cuz of the pain...but cuz i dont want it to happen to me again...i dont want to be a victim..i dont want to seem needy ever again in my life...me and my ex were close ...idk if i can be close to anyone again...not after how he did me...i feel like i will always be searching for  a safe place to go...but believe me..i can handle the pain...why..because i am it.
 
 
christchronic
11 December 2007 @ 11:36 pm
it is quite a shame that i talk about guys so much...but what can i say lol...anywyas online trying to shop get some more cute clothes for sko! and im supposed to be doing my hwk i need to get two pages done by 12 am lol...then im gonna work out and then i will take a shower and den finish up..trying to c if i want to take laxative again...my tummy feels wierd..i feel wierd..

anyways my only forsure reader that i know of is my ex...which i know is giddy to see if im going to write about him or not lol...hmm...lol

anyways found some nice clothes hope i can get them by christmas..more cute tops for sko...now just gota find em..

hmm its funny this guy im talking to wants to i suppose date me...but he doesnt want to get married til 35-37 and wen he stated that he wanted to be more than friends i laughed because im looking for a husband!!! im not trying to date someone and it not possibly lead to marriage cuz then i would be wasting my time..and theirs because im not having sex til marriage...and while i can wait 5-10 years to have sex...i dont think they can !!! so im like hmmm yea...right...idk i want to look for some latino vatos...ugh..but enough about guys must focus on self..and become even more consumned with myself lol..,auahamauahamz*Evil laugh*
 
 
Current Mood: chipperchipper
 
 
 
christchronic
11 December 2007 @ 09:31 am
ok ok ...i know everyone has been wondering when i was going to post..and here it is lol my internet was tripping for awhile

well just got back from running and taking a shower !!! whoop whoop!! geting that fitness body!! gota be looking fine like always..to show everyone what they cant have !! lol

so we did our presentation last nite..it went good...everyone did good..everyone got an A praise God...well everything is going good so far...gotta paper due manana that i have not started on lol gotta remember to do it....Holy Spirit remind me ! plz :)...ok...so im stress free studying for my finals and taking care of myself...gota have everything done for sko right?? 3 more days of work and two more of sko...cant wait ...now in the morning i can go running and work out and then also go walking at nite! lets see im still single..yes! and what else ..oh sent off my ex family's christmas gifts...10 pounds worth of gifts in a super big box!!! i felt blessed cuz shipping and insurance plus delivery confirmation only cost 16.00...God blessed me! I thought that i was gonna have to pay 40-60 dollars!! well u never know they get crazy at the post office!!

trying to see if i should change my myspace layout and song again...even though i like the on i already have lol...hmmm...oh yes i get my skin peel on thursday...more and more flawless skin :) ooo tila tequila season finale come on tonight!! and my mother and her husband our taking us out to dinner at mr perry...fried fish? or the salad? lol..gonna do my makeup nice for work and sko so i can look nice for that too!

so not much to do for the rest of the week, other than to relax and study for finals....

I have come to realize i like "heavy set" guys...well thats what im more attracted to...cuz i was noticing it..and thats the body type im attracted to...idk maybe cuz my first bf was that ....but i love it!! como mi teddy bear or my body guard !!! lol dont hate. mommy and lizzy!! i love it . i love it. God bless
 
 
Current Mood: happyhappy
 
 
christchronic
10 December 2007 @ 01:45 pm
i have learned that alot of guys are just plain out dumb and stupid! now they arent all dumb or stupid in the same way...but they vary...
 
 
christchronic
09 December 2007 @ 03:26 am

 Day one: 

IT has come as a reality check for me...that in this society...that being a virgin..is just clearly a "bad thing" and a hard thing to be...not because i feel pressured to have sex , but because people can't understand it...and cuz many people just dont like it ! lol

But im black single..fine and a 19 year-old female...saved and a virgin...now believe im not advertising myself in the least bit, because from what i understand from the people of the world..that no one wants this..or even has the time to appreciate it...

Women sexuality...hmmm....i will be discussing alot about this as i see many topics that branch off from this including, homosexuality, feminism, etc...but today's discussion is virginity..and my current practice of abstience until marriage ( mashallah, thats for you lizzy)

Anyways..its hard...but for these reasons

1) guy dont respect it
2) guys dont understand it
3) not all guys believe it
4) guys think they can "change" you to want otherwise
5) guys think cuz you're pretty youre a slut
6) guys...guys..guys...

_Not because i feel peer pressured by the society, or the media or anything at all , but because of the prospects of the dating world...

*First off there are good guys and bad guys...bad guys which sleep around and try to get as much sex as they can from women...and then good guys who are honest and faitfhul!!! but however still expect sex in a long term relationship...while neither of these parties are up to God's standards..these are the two fields that are in the world,,and the ones im faced with on a daily basis...

wheres the christian man in this equation?? idk...i dont come across him alot..

* So my question is what do i do with this..do i not date until im looking for a husband,..or settle forsay..and stir and turn away every man when it comes down to the sex scenario....sex is not  a very hard issuse to me..its simple just say no...

In my daily outside adventures....i get alot alot offers from men..that its not even funny and its quite ridculous...but this is meaningless to me as I know they arent up to God'standards..why ? cuz they want sex....so basically its like i have no potential suitor at all...i become very depressed about this often..and often firgure that in the end ill just become a nun..because God is the only one who will ever appreciate or realize the gift and depth of my virginity...but is this realistic..so through this confusion and madness...that to lean on God and someday He will create from scratch( even if He has to) my christian chicano man that wants this and that wont try to use or abuse this...while now i feel bad for writing this..and i feel that this is choppy and all over the place....i know that this is the truth, because ............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
ITS THE CHRONICLES OF A CHRISTIAN GIRL!!!!

 

 
 
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic